When you’re in a healthy relationship, everything just kind of works. Sure, there are bumps in the road, but you generally make decisions together, openly discuss any problems that arise, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Toxic relationships are another story. And when you’re in one, it can be harder to see red flags. If you consistently feel drained or unhappy after spending time with your partner, it could be a sign that things need to change.
All people and all relationships do some of these things some of the time – but that doesn’t make them toxic. A toxic relationship is defined by consistency, intensity and damage. Here are some of the signs:
They point fingers at you in most situations and blame you for everything that goes wrong. They blame you for things that got nothing to do with you. For instance, if they fought with a friend, it’s your fault that you don’t give them enough love and it makes them irritable
They make you feel guilty for being yourself. In a toxic relationship, you might let go of your usual self-care habits. You might withdraw from hobbies you once loved, neglect your health, and sacrifice your free time. They make you feel guilty if you do something for yourself.
The scorecard. Let me show you how wrong you are.
As human being we make mistakes in our life. It’s how we learn, how we grow, and how we find out the people who don’t deserve us. Even the most loving, committed partners will do hurtful, stupid things sometimes. When those things are brought up over and over, it will slowly kill even the healthiest relationship and keep the ‘guilty’ person small.
They live in the past:
They may hold on to the past and not allow you to the past and not allow you to change. Or, they may cling to past mistakes you made, and bring them up time and time again. By holding on to the past they are blocking your happiness and the last thing you want in life is to be alone.
Nothing gets resolved:
Every time there is a problem, there are screams and throwing of hands but nothing is resolved. These issues come up again and again in fights. There’s no communication between the two of you.
Too much passive-aggressive.
Passive-aggressive behavior is an indirect attack and a cowardly move for control. The attack is subtle and often disguised as something else, such as anger disguised as indifference ‘whatever’ or ‘I’m fine’. If it’s worth getting upset about, it’s worth talking about, but passive-aggressive behavior shuts down any possibility of this.
You avoid saying what you need because there’s just no point.
We all have important needs in relationships. If your attempts to talk about what you need end in a fight, another empty promise, accusations of neediness, insecurity, jealousy or madness you’ll either bury the need or resent that it keeps being overlooked.
They won’t let you leave; if you ever try, they would make you believe nobody will ever love you the same way. They will always make you realize that you won’t get anyone like them.
Relationships can consume a vast amount of our mental and emotional space and when they go wrong, they can cause immeasurable pain.
If you consistently feel drained or unhappy after spending time with your partner, it could be a sign that things need to change.
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