There is no magic pill or tips that you can follow to cope with the loss of a loved one. Honestly, you shouldn’t be expected to at that moment.
Why it is okay to not be okay?
It is deeply painful when the person you love doesn’t exist anymore. It doesn’t make any sense that someone who was supposed to be with you for a long time left so abruptly. You feel as if there are so many questions left unanswered. Now the answer to those will be a mystery. A lot of times it feels as if your whole world is rocked. After seeing some of my closest friends lose either one of their parents or someone close to them taught me just how fickle life is. How a person who seems perfectly healthy one moment ceases to exist the other moment.
Some personal experiences-
A close friend’s dad suddenly passed away and he didn’t even have any co-morbidities. She was close to her dad and still regrets how she wasn’t able to say goodbye to him. While another friend’s mom committed suicide and my friend who considered her mom her best friend was heartbroken. She refused to talk to any of us for almost a month and had to get psychiatric help. There were days when she couldn’t sleep for the whole night and had to be medicated which left her groggy and weak.
I could feel the anguish and grief in my friends’ voice but I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t comprehend to understand my friend’s losses. But I wanted them to be okay.
What to do in those situations?
Though I wanted to be there for them so badly I couldn’t come up with the appropriate words to comfort them. I felt that no matter what I said it was not going to be enough. So, I assured them one thing that I could do in that situation. I told them, “I cannot tell you that it is all going to be okay cause I cannot but I can tell you that I am there for you whenever you want me. You will always have my support during this tough time”.
It seemed inadequate and made me wonder if there was anything else that I could have done. To help ease their pain but I gradually realized that at that moment it was the only thing that I could do. I checked up on them and heard them when they talked and filled in the silences when they didn’t feel good. They weren’t forced to talk or the idea that it will all be okay one day wasn’t enforced. I realized that sometimes just being there for a person means a lot.
Sometimes they may need support that cannot be provided by the near and dear. They may need the assistance of trained professionals and therapists who could help them go through their grief.
The last word:
With the tough times that we are going through, so many of us have lost someone dear to us and the worst part is we are unable to give them a proper farewell. It fuels up one’s anguish and doesn’t give them closure, thereby increasing the intensity of the pain. I wish we could ease the pain of our loved ones but we cannot. Not at that moment. They need to process their feelings and come to terms with the reality at their own pace. We cannot coerce or force them to be okay. We just have to be there for them while they grieve and help them however we can.
In times like these, an extension of support and warmth goes a long way for a mourning person and family.
Let’s be there for each other.
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